My Final Goodbye

Days have passes and so have years

The sorrow in my heart is less

Even though the memory is more

The good will stay and the bad will vanish

For I do not want to remember

Letting go is hard to do

But my strength is deep

And I know I finally can

Im letting go to all

To everything that makes me sad

To you I say goodbye

Goodbye to you, Goodbye

[2010]

This was originally about the death of my mother in 2010. This has aged 15 years, and has brought on a whole new meaning to me.

15 years ago, I was working through mentally how the death of a parent was going to impact my life in the long run. I contemplated if things in the long run could have made our relationship better, if more time would have made her a better human. I thought of all the missed opportunities as a child not having the support I wanted so badly from her. It was all the memories of being yelled at, brought down, degraded that I was stuck on; that I was wasting all my energy on. It was then I realized that I spent enough energy on the thought of what if and knew it was time to say goodbye to not only her, but to the memories that kept me feeling sad, and almost sorry for myself. Goodbyes don't always have to carry a sad feeling, it was indeed, a feeling of a weight lifted off my shoulders. It's okay to not look back.

Recently, this is resonating through myself and my divorce. Learning that sometimes you can't make up for your past and hold on to one little thing expecting someone to change for you. It was hard to not only admit to myself that things were not okay and that actions of others were unacceptable; what was harder was admitting it to those close. But I was met with so much compassion, advice, tears and those who will help me say goodbye to what I've used to for so many years of my adult life. To be able to move past the bad moment, to push through the bad moments will leave space for so much new. I'm not saying goodbye to the memories that were good, and the lessons I was taught, but it is okay to say goodbye to the parts that weigh too much.

Saying goodbye to people doesn't have to cause pain, but rather give your soul a break in the storm to enjoy the sunshine in the end.

Here's to those that calm our souls, who add to our lives and not just take from them. Those who came in to shake the storm will be the reason the rainbow shows in the sunlight after the storm when we can breathe again. Say goodbye and let the soul heal a little.

-AJ